What’s this?

It’s 2 p.m., and I’ve just finished posting my first story! This is insane, I’m now a blogger. As you can see, I’m enthusiastic, which explains why I couldn’t sleep on Friday evening. Anyway, it was not a total disaster because I was able to write and get some beauty sleep on Saturday afternoon.

I hope you’re having a lovely Sunday so far, and before I get started, make sure you have a cup of tea. That is, if you are a tea fanatic like me. If not, I’m good with whatever soothes your spirit as long as you’re happy.

Have you ever considered who you are as a person? Do you ever sit back and consider why you do the things you do? Well, I’ve recently learned the value of self-reflection. To be honest, taking time for myself assisted me in falling in love with the woman I am now. It may have taken me a good twenty-four years to be completely happy, but if I had the chance to rewrite my tale. There isn’t a single thing I would change. Because I learnt that every decision we make leads to a new experience, and all those bad decisions I made as a youngster led me to having days of joy.

I believe I’ve always been a cool kid. Everyone I’ve met seems to appreciate my vibe, and I know a lot of people, but that’s because I moved around with my mother, and I enjoy meeting new people. I suppose you could say I’m well-known. It’s safe to say that almost everyone has met the cheerful, noisy, humorous, risk-taker, party-loving gal. I’m not going to lie, groove is enjoyable. I love how every time I go out, I get to dress up and look pretty for the night and pretend to be the dancing queen.

But here’s the thing: people don’t know me at all. Yes, they have some knowledge of me. You see, much like a color, I come in a variety of tints. My heart can become stone cold black on occasion, but only if someone has done me wrong. If I notice you disturbing my serenity, I will immediately cut you off. On occasion, however, I am as luminous as the sun setting on a Sunday afternoon. Those are the days I enjoy being alive, and if I’m lucky, those are the days I’ll have met someone with whom I can share that part of me. I’m not kidding when I say my love is as deep as a river.

Even still, the fact that I didn’t love myself all these times still hurts. I couldn’t accept myself. I felt as though my nature was too gentle, and I wished I could be more selfish, oblivious to the fact that the world needed more humans like me. It took a lot of tears and wounds for me to see my own worth. Believe it or not, I was a nervous wreck. Don’t get me wrong: I’m still terrified and anxious, but remember that self-reflection I stated earlier? Accepting oneself is a necessity.

Thus, it is certain I can be insecure at times, and I have a problem with abandonment. Indeed, I am constantly overly attached and put my heart on my sleeve in every situation. So, when I am depressed for no apparent reason or don’t want to be alive on that day. I lie down and pay attention to my own heartbeat. I allow myself to cry and I allow myself to feel if I want to be unavailable that day. Let me start by saying that I love sleep, therefore when I’m sluggish, I sleep.

Undoubtedly, there are times when I have no idea what to say to God. I mean, I’ll want to talk to him, but I’ll be frustrated because I won’t be able to physically hear him or feel his touch. However, I take it as it comes. Knowing who God is and having a connection with him are two completely different things, and ever since I’ve been aware of this. I’ve discovered that I’m in love with God, and it’s because of that love that I’ve learned acceptance. I found accountability because of that love. I met kindness as a result of that love. Because of that love, I can love myself.

You may have a problem with cool kids, but keep in mind that we are all human beings trying to figure out what life is all about. Nobody knows what happens when we die, but we can all agree that finding the strength to get up and work every day is difficult. Because, while we all have ideas about how we want our lives to be, in the end, this life we are living is a borrowed one, and we will meet our creator someday. In the meantime, now that I’ve identified myself. I promise to try my hardest every day when I get up. I believe I will be able to handle, as long as God is with me.

With that said, it is critical to be kind to one another; rather than competing, let’s talk to one another. Let me hear why you woke up on the wrong side of bed today. Tell me why you’re having trouble mending from your heartbreak. Sometimes all one needs is someone to listen to them, which isn’t difficult.  So, if there’s one thing you should take away from this, it’s that everything will work out in the end. Allow yourself to consider the possibilities.

Thank You.